So, I feel like myself and my daughter and myself are both the type of people who give and give and take very little, and we are almost always taken for granted. For instance, one of my best friends and my god-daughter came into town on a horribly busy weekend and stayed for 5 nights. During that crazy time, we had a dress rehearsal and 2 weddings, and I still tried to keep them happy and occupied. They were sick and didn’t feel like doing a lot, and I got very little sleep, but I hung in there and cooked and planned like a happy hostess. Now they have been gone for almost 2 weeks and we called and called to check on them and my daughter found out through an educational game that they play online together that their phone is acting wonky. But they could have called us from another number, or they could have Facetimed us or something. Though they are loving and always remember every occasion and root for us so much of the time, they are around when they feel like it. When I told them via voicemail and email about my daughter’s commercial, they didn’t call us or email us for a month because they were “busy”. But, they emailed all of their friends and called them to tell them about it. They also received my daughter’s video that they ordered in the mail that is 2 hours long from a big performance she did in the fall, and watched that but didn’t have not one smidgen of extra time to communicate to tell us that.
This may sound petty or like I am being too sensitive, but I get sick of people just assuming that we will always be available. It’s like they can be completely selfish or rude by ignoring us and when they are ready to “deal” with us, then we are supposed to be ready and willing to talk and deal with them. I don’t know how to be unavailable to friends or men or anyone that I deal with. Because the truth is, the people that I deal with I consider friends or loved ones, and I am not into games with people that are supposed to be dear to me. It’s like I have all forms of dysfunction in the form of people that I call friends. I have never been good in the man department either, so that is why I haven’t dated for the almost 6 years I have been apart from ex-husband, except for dates that I went on just for dinner, knowing they wouldn’t go further because I suck at choosing!! I wonder if because I complain about these people, but still continue to deal with them (not the friends I mentioned, but friends in general), maybe I get what I deserve? One of my friends in the past said that I take in all of the strays. Perhaps they are right?!! Bad childhood, anxiety issues, super selfish, not dependable??? Well, call me and I will take you in and take on all of your baggage and then wonder why like a dizzy blonde (I am blonde) that these people aren’t all that I expect in a friend.
I do have a few good friends, but for some crazy reason, the people who I call best friends have the most issues. Or, they aren’t the friend to me that I am to them. I know people have different backgrounds and experiences and I have to take that into consideration. But I am human and I have feelings and I don’t want to put up with whatever people dish out. I want my close friends to return my call in a timely manner or be there the way that I am for them. I want people in my life that I can depend on all of the time, not just one they are over their funk and moods. So, do I get rid of the people in my life that are abnormal and annoying and not around all of the time, or do I continue to put up with their slack a–es and grin and bear it? That is perhaps why this cycle is continuing because I keep complaining, yet keep dealing with it. A therapist would probably say that I am co-dependent, or have self esteem issues. I don’t think it is either one. I think that I want the whole Golden Rule thing, “Do unto others…”.
I think that perhaps I will pray for God to bring “normal” and decent people into our lives that have our backs on rainy days as well as sunny. This whole fair-weather friend thing is for the birds. I don’t want to give up on new friendships or men in my life, but it is so hard to trust others! Remind me to tell you all about some of the other shady stories about men and friends, it will be a lot more than 800 some odd words. Trust me!:)