So, I find myself behind on my writing again

I am back. Tech week has started at my daughter’s big production in D.C. this week. That means that she has to be at the theatre 7 times this week and 3 next week. Roughly 75/80 hours in 2 weeks. It’s fun, but tiring.

I haven’t written awhile. Been doing some soul searching and reevaluating a lot of things. Job, people, situation, etc. The older I get the more disappointed I am in people. I think social media definitely lends to that. A lot.

If you will remember, I quit Facebook for a bit. I had to get back on because I am the administrator for a Facebook page for a church and if I deactivated, then so did the church!

In the time that I have been back on there, I have realized that when people aren’t happy they aren’t happy for you. When people want what you have they aren’t happy for you.

People that have loads of people supporting them on Facebook are the kind that have 1500 friends. Or, people that constantly go out and have wine and party. Or people whom show their bodies off.

I am far beyond my party stage. I am too private to have more than 100 or so friends. And, I am definitely not fit enough to show body pics. Even if I was, I am somebody’s mom and it’s just not a good luck for me.

I am saying all of this to say that modern tech can be hurtful to a degree. If people don’t like your pics, you wonder why. If a friend doesn’t text you back, it is bothersome. If you email a friend and they never reply it can make one worry. If you message someone and see the time that they viewed it and they don’t make the effort to answer your query then it gets personal.

I have been going through this deal lately with friends. I called 5 people over the last week, and not one called me back. One friend is a friend of over 20 years, but has always been bad about calling. She is a full time mom and has a full time job and her kids are in activities and we are in different states. So she has a pass because she is there when I need her.

But the other people, one is supposed to be my best friend and I am her daughter’s Godmother. I have tried 4 ways to get in touch with her because her husband can be controlling. My daughter has even tried to Facetime and message her God sister because she misses her and our kids are best friends. They live out of state and we don’t see them but every 2 years so we love to talk to them. There has been no reply.

The other people are really non-factors. But, I have felt kind of like a social leper as of late. I don’t see most of these people that I have called because we don’t live near each other, so it is natural that I want to talk with them from time to time. So it is not like I have had a falling out with them or offended them. I am reaching out to them!

I don’t call them a lot, we may go a month or so without talking. And then we talk like crazy for a couple of weeks and then things get crazy again. But we haven’t talked to my “best friend” and Godchild in 6 weeks. Four ways of communication have not phased her. I guess when she is ready she will contact us. But I guess I am tired of being the friend that is “ready” when people feel like being bothered.

I am an above and beyond kind of friend. I am not a taker, I am a giver and a counselor and confidante. I try to not expect a lot in return, but I should not always be the one reaching out to people. I almost feel like God is trying to tell me something about the people who are in my life.

I don’t know how changing friends or deleting people out of my life is going to make it better. But perhaps there is a divine plan in the works. I certainly haven’t done anything to deserve the cold shoulder. So I don’t know what to think.

But if I ignore someone, I’m a B—. Or, I am being insensitive. One of the biggest faults that I have is that I am too caring, too forgiving, and apparently a glutton for punishment. Advice? Similar story to share? Or am I in this leper world alone?

Simply~

Dee

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